I love having a fresh start. When I started my blog a year ago, I really thought I would have established some kind of business by this point - painting, sewing, photography... something. But I haven't. So I spent this past week asking myself a lot of questions. Am I not being focused enough? Do I really have time for a business? Why do I feel the need to have a business?
I crave meaningful work. But why is being a mother not meaningful enough? Being a mother is the most meaningful job in the world. Why doesn't it feel like it is?
I've come to the conclusion that being a mother is hard for me because it's not just about DOING certain things. You have to BE certain things. The "do-ing" has to come out of the "be-ing". If you want your children to be better people, you have to be a better person. And the pain and difficulty of becoming that better person can often eclipse any meaning you find in the short-term. It's much easier to go sew a dress.
Jesus was a great example of "being" more than "doing". He had time for everyone. He never seemed to be in a hurry. Everything he said and did came out of who he was. People could tell he was different. He didn't seem to be pushing for his own agenda, yet he changed lives at every encounter.
My oldest daughter is also never in a hurry. She lives fully in the moment, and she makes you feel like she would give up the whole world just to be with you in that moment. We sat down on January 1 to create a New Year's picture in our art book. While I am driven by the clock and spent only 5 minutes on my picture (above), she spent over an hour filling in every white space on the page -
It is filled to the brim with life and joy - just like she is. So in contemplating my New Year's resolutions this year, I'm not going to ask, "What do I want to do?" I'm going to ask, "Who do I want to be?"